i've been struggling. i have never felt so inadequate before. i'm surrounded by people who are intelligent, graduating from ivy-league schools... and then there's me. and i question where God sees me going right now because i have no idea... i feel as though i'm walking blindly. at one point i was so sure of myself, but now it seems so distant. i'm blessed with support parents and an even greater supportive fiance. i somehow still don't believe in myself. it's wrong on so many levels because i believe in the power of God and His power to change people and lead people. at the same time, i have so little faith in me.
it's a contradiction isn't it?
in these most desperate times, i have no choice but to rely on God. if i have no faith in myself, i have to be willing to have faith in God.
i've been listening to matt redman's "breathing the breath" and there's a line in his song that goes:
we have nothing to offer you that you didn't first give us...
and it's so true because we praise God with the things that He's first given us. so many times we think we're worthy and we're not, but through the blood of Christ we are. i still find it difficult to go before God because i feel as though i'm not even worthy... even after knowing that Christ shed His blood for me. it's something i think a lot of us need to realize: we are worthy through His blood!
and there is nothing that could ever take that away from us... even the little inadequacies we feel about ourselves in our moments of weakness.
Jesus still lives.
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